Sometimes I let emotions run my life. Which can be both good and bad. But I don’t really want to get into that right now. Let’s just say, I am pretty in-tune with emotions. I have experienced many in my lifetime. As I am sure, we all have. And I think that it is pretty safe to say that I know enough about them that if I had to choose between two emotions to rule my life I could:
Yet, I don’t just want any type of happiness. Nor do I want just any type of love. I want true happiness and unconditional love.
True happiness? What is the difference between true happiness and just plain happiness?
Well, today the world is telling us that so many things will make you happy. Things that in truth, may make you happy for a moment, but make you more unhappy in the long run. Like the happiness you receive when you get high. Or even to a lesser extreme, when you listen to certain music, or eat that delicious sweet that will just make you fat. These things can make you glad for a minute, but not truly happy. True happiness, on the other hand is a lasting happiness. The sort of happiness you get when you spend time with your family. Or do service. Or follow the commandments, etc.
And unconditional love?
Unconditional love occurs when you have such love for someone, that their happiness and life is more important to you than your own. This type of love is hard to come across.
Though hard to come across, these emotions are what I feel like I am striving for daily. Some days it is much easier to find happiness, than others. Same with a feeling of unconditional love. Sometimes little things can get in the way. Yet, in the long run, it is what I am striving for.
Yet, often it is just so much easier to feel self-pity which defeats both happiness and unconditional love. This feeling of self-pity often springs from a very different emotion than the two that I have talked about. And I feel like it is the emotion that I keep feeling in this period of my life, and it doesn’t seem to go away:
Sure, I have my family all around me. And it has been so wonderful to have them there. But they are all I have. Save for Erica, and my family, I feel the world has ceased to care I exist. Thank goodness I have them or I would be stark-raving mad by now.
I sound ungrateful, I know. But for being such a social butterfly, and loving my friends so dearly, it sure is hard for me to stay home all day, with very limited contact from them. And now I am just complaining. So I will stop.
Just know that I am trying. I am striving for happiness and love.